When The Decent Guy Called It Quits

i-forced-myself-not-to-hold-on-to-you-like-i-always-did

Throbbing in my ears, loud music from the nearby bar made it hard for me to hear what you were saying. Quits? Hah. Then I, a non-drinker, cautiously chugged a glass of beer and looked at the direction where an EDM is playing. There, I saw people laughing and enjoying the night.

That’s what I came for, I thought.

The moment I glanced back at you, I realized my eyes already gave in. I still kept my sunny smile though, as you know I am that kind of person. Out of nowhere I just blurted out, “sure (or something like that),” because, I am nicer than you think (and I kinda hate myself for that).

The smoke from your another lit cigarette wafts and it entertains me more than what else you have to say like “it’s not you, it’s me”, “I really tried”, “you’re different from everyone I dated”, blah blah. Good thing you didn’t apologize, I would’ve burst right then and there. I lifted my head and stared at the gloomy night sky. I have to get away, fast. It’s going to rain. But the moment was slow and dull, as if I was given all the time in the world.

Well, that sucks. Thanks, universe.

It didn’t end there as I wished I have gps. You know when people break up (or in this case, call it quits) they have to go their separate ways? Yeah, I tried to. But he knows me too well. Poor me and my sense of direction. He still accompanied me to the transport terminal.

As we were walking, I’ve put up my great acting skills. Being all that bubbly and cheerful, who would think I had a bad night? Even you, I bet you were surprised at how jolly I was tripping over the sidewalk. While crossing multiple pedestrian lanes, I forced myself not to hold on to you like I always did. I became more scared to touch you than to get hit by a vehicle.

It’s 11pm and we reached the fx station. I wanted to board the van right away but you insisted on giving me a hug. The first and last. Your scent lingered on me for a while and then you were gone. That was the last time I saw you.

When I arrived home later that night, the rain suddenly poured.

All smiles,

Donna, the daydreamer

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